Losing my unborn child was one of the darkest moments in my life. The past few weeks beyond that pushed me down a depression lane. I could barely recognize myself because I was getting inattentive to my self-care needs.
I kept saying that life is so unfair, so why would I bother recovering from the emotional and depression pain I was dealing with after a miscarriage. I would question myself why does miscarriage have to happen to me. I’m pretty sure I didn’t do anything extremely wrong to deserve this depression after miscarriage. But then again, I would never know the reason for all of this.
Depression After A Miscarriage
Depression After A Miscarriage
Depression after a miscarriage happened to me once in my life.
The start of this depressive emotion was after I got a miscarriage. Everything was fine back then, and I was so happy to get pregnant that I focus solely on taking care of myself and my baby.
But despite all the efforts I put up with taking care of my physical, mental, and emotional health, a depressive event still took place. I remember just having a cramp, and then suddenly I was bleeding. At first, I didn’t think it would be that bad since I have heard that most pregnant women experienced that sort of thing. But when I realized that the bleeding is not stopping, I immediately called my husband for help. Right of the bat, we went to the hospital for an emergency.
Depression After Miscarriage
The Reason Behind A Miscarriage
Fast forward to the result after a doctor’s examination; they told me that the reason for my miscarriage was abnormal chromosomes. Seriously, it wasn’t the thing I expected (and this heightened my depression after a miscarriage), but it somehow validated every inch of my doubts and fears. The doctors said that the baby inside my womb got damaged because the fetus stopped developing. Indeed, I am a living example that depression after a miscarriage exists.
My depression after my miscarriage led me into a roller coaster of emotions. I felt that I was cheated with. I thought that all my efforts and sacrifices were useless because the child inside my womb would give up on me at the end of a supposedly nice day. I was not too fond of the idea that my body or whatever is in it failed me. I felt extremely depressed at that moment, but I did not cry. I was brave enough to handle such a situation, and I accepted that the baby was already gone.
The Agonizing Emotional And Mental Suffering
Just like any other day, I continued to do my stuff. I prepared my mindset to get through whatever life may bring. But as days went by, I felt genuinely lonely, scared, and depressed. A miscarriage haunted me, and I couldn’t seem to focus on what was in front of me. I was hurting, but I couldn’t tell where it hurts. I was constantly finding myself crying over nothing, and I could not recognize my actions anymore. That was when my depression after a miscarriage began.
It was the most depressive feeling that I have felt over the past years of my existence. The depressive thing that merely added fuel to the fire is when other people told me to get over a miscarriage. I wish I could handle my depression. I genuinely wish it was that simple. I know that there are women out there who can go on and continue with their lives after a miscarriage. But for me, it seemed quite impossible. I am not overreacting. I felt stuck in a loop of mental and emotional torture, which others couldn’t understand.
My miscarriage was an unexpected thing that I never thought I would have to deal with for a long and depressive period. I might not be okay right now, but I know the depression I’m enduring after a miscarriage is valid.